I am a working mom and This week is my second week back from maternity leave. Eli is now 2 months 1 week.. He is home with his daddy. I am also nursing him, so i am having to pump at work during my breaks.
You would think because i left him under his father’s care i won’t worry or miss him as much , but i actually do miss him.
I drive to work thinking, did i change the crib sheets, did i leave the change of clothes where daddy can see them? will he remember to put the milk away, will he remember to not use the dirty laundry, lol… the list is endless.. worry worry worry … damn too much!
I go home after work, and i find Eli there sleeping or on his dad’s arms . He looks up and see me, and he starts to smile and coos… then my heart melts.. i smile back, and relieved. He still loves me and misses me when am gone. Deep down still scared, he would love daddy more because he spent 8-10 hours straight with him.
Really? Should i even go there? I definitely would like for him to love his dad too….but, there is nothing wrong with him loving me more.
I am his mommy. We had this bond, 9 months in the making, nothing can compare. Always… So leaving Eli every day is hard, but am glad, and feel lucky that it is his daddy that am leaving him with. You can’t beat that…
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6 comments
Comment by Marcellus on August 11, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Hehe, right now he is plotting with the child to become the favorite! I bet it’s a wonderful feeling to have a little one though. Hopefully, if and when I have one, he or she won’t be as bad as me.
Comment by Sophia on August 11, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Yes.. trust me.. he tells me what Eli likes and dislikes… like he knows him more than i do, aaargh
Comment by Dave on August 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Sophia,
I love that you are blogging and I think you will find it most therapeutic. I started one myself but after a few years switched it to a private journal because of my nosey exwife. I hope you keep it up, you will love looking back on this years down the line.
As for the mommy/daddy dynamic, I urge you to not worry or feel a competition for favoritism or love. Your children love you both more than you can comprehend and their love (like yours)will grow with time not divide amongst you and your husband. I realize that telling a parent not to worry is like trying to hold back a waterfall with a small bucket but just the same think from their perspective.
My children and I are very close and they tell me all the time how they love me and enjoy my company. They also tell me that their mom occasionally does things that makes them sad but children are pure creatures and they see both parents as Godsends regardless.
Trust your husband, trust your children and trust yourself. Enjoy every moment and relish in it like it’s the pinnacle of your existence because the only one true fear for a parents as I see it is to look back and find that you wasted time with your kids. If you can say you loved them with all your heart and worked to give them what you could then no one of substance can say you weren’t the best parent for your child.
I enjoyed your blog Sophia and your dedication to your family, it speaks volumes.
Comment by Sophia on August 17, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Dave, I could definitely use it… The Therapy. Thank you for your kind words as well. You are always great with your kids (soo cute too!).. and i have seen how kids are a magnet around you. Same there .. you are a great dad.
I am really fortunate, my husband is a hands on dad… and that helps out a lot. I couldn’t imagine going at it alone. I have so much respect for single mothers / single fathers raising their kids alone. So i try to make sure i recognize and appreciate him for just being there and of course taking responsibility
Thank you!
Comment by zilpa on August 18, 2009 at 6:47 am
ooh Sophie! just love it…can’t wait till the day i hold my own…offcoz not looking foward to going back to work after the maternity leave! Pray for you all the happiness and joys of parenting
Comment by Sophia on August 18, 2009 at 8:58 am
Hi Zilpa! It is great to hear from you and i can’t wait till i hear you are finally a mommy. You will be a great one too. You always mothered everyone in high schoo, remember? please keep me updated.
Yes, the going back to work part: you drive to work the first day, you pull over and cry, or you call the baby sitter 10x. Then if it was day care, it is even worse coz you feel guilty about leaving your child there, even though you know he will be ok, really… The list is endless, but again that is what parents do.. worry themselves all the time, i heard this is just the beginning, lol